So! I began to get a series of emails from Twitter advising me I had new followers. This may not be big news to some of you avid tweeters – but to me, whose Twitter account at three years old sported twelve followers and whose only tweets consisted of the automatic notifications made when I posted something on WordPress – it was a bit unexpected. Especially as they addressed me as Tericia and the new followers were mostly all young Latino looking dudes sporting an arm muscle or a Superman/ Batman, or interrelated Marvel Comics costume.
I assumed, in my all my worldly wisdom, that Twitter had somehow cocked up and mistaken my elderly profile for some pouting Latino looking dudess named Tericia and they’d soon enough sort out their mistake.
Time passed and the emails kept coming, accompanied now and again by a private message containing single words like ‘hey’ or ‘hot’.
I thought I must go check my Twitter account soon as I’ve done ……
So, this morning, with the weather turning wet and cooler again and my plan to plant up the spring garden put on hold, I hunted around, found and opened my Twitter account and was truly amazed to discover a lovely profile picture of a slim, dark haired me pouting provocatively up at my hand held cellphone and my name clearly scribed across the top Tericia McGowan.
Well, I’ve heard of the Mandela Effect and all that, but I didn’t expect to slip through universes and dimensions as a totally different ethnic and generationally nubile and re-named me. I had a quick peek in the hall mirror just in case – but nope, still Contented, still -er – generationally mature and definitely not nubile!
Tericia had definitely been handed my account – Oh, hang on – I’m slow, but I’m not that slow! Had Tericia in fact hacked her way into my account? Oh ho! Off I went looking for evidence. Where my nice little bio had once been telling you all about my contented retired, artful life now rested a nice blue link address.
Of course I hit it – don’t be silly, what would you have done?
You could have knocked me sideways with a feather duster! Or, as my favourite aunt would once have said ‘Well, bugger me!’
It took me a moment to realise that the two beautifully curved and rounded gleaming moons shining out at me was in fact a bottom, an ass as you Americans say; an arse for my English friends; a derriere, a behind, a bum!
Arched. Taut. Erotic.
Well, that explained all the muscles and Superman and Batman and so forth costumes!
There were many photos of Tericia’s bare and tightly bunned bum. She must, quite rightly be very proud of it. However she picked the wrong dudess to hack! This hacking victim is well versed in the sublime art of the ‘Interesting Times Curse’* and planned on putting it to good use.
I battled my way through all the incongruities and inconsistencies of my Twitter page and eventually removed all traces of Tericia McGowan [may you live in VERY interesting times Tericia McGowan and long enough for stretch marks to pit your twin moons!] and reclaimed my Twitter account for me.
Lastly I looked into my ‘Followers’ list. Almost TWO THOUSAND! Last time I looked it was twelve ………….. And no way – no way Twitter people – to mass eradicate them. There they were all those lovely young men looking like they might just have emerged from pre-pubescence into puberty; strutting their stuff according to their life view – but all – ALL! – very attracted to the bum of Tericia McGowan. Not a one of them there to enjoy my journey back into the world of artiness. [May you all live in interesting times young men! – oh, that’s right you do!!]
So, Tericia McGowan [may you live long enough to see your taut little ass dissolve into a lumpy puddle!] I had to spend three hours of my life – three hours I can’t really afford to waste at this end of the life spectrum – blocking one by painful one each of your avid rear-end admirers.
I now have twelve followers again.
To any of you who read my blog and who may have come across one of my tweets and who may have inadvertently – or out of mere curiosity hit that harmless looking blue link in my bio field – I hope you enjoyed looking at Tericia’s bare bum – I suppose you realised quite quickly it wasn’t mine, but were too bemused to enquire any further….. ??
I’m not at all connected to my Twitter account. But I have two very kind blog readers who loyally tweet out my posts as they hit the airwaves and who may have helped grow my sudden large following if they have any young dudes on their twitter lists ……… [Just joking Norah and David!] I hope none of your friends investigated the little blue link under the name of Tericia McGowan. If they did I apologise! If Tericia McGowan [may you live long and grow some self respect Tericia!] comes back again, I may just have to let her have it!
Still, it’s all done now – I’ve reclaimed my Twitter account and found a couple of other interesting/nice folks to follow too and I’ve got my lovely twelve followers. One day I might even see the point of having Twitter and go read some tweets.
So, if you’re still with me [well done!] here’s a fun little art journal page to finish off. Staying with the subject of birds, twitty ones, it features an owl, a bird who is equated with wisdom. Perhaps he’ll fly over Tericia McGowan and drop a bit on her. :-)
Painted over black gesso across two pages, with stencils and modelling paste leaves and stars. The little verse bottom left made itself known as I finished – it’s a bit Roald Dahl-esque don’t you think? I’m dedicating it to Tericia McGowan – enjoy!
If you click once on the photo you will see the painting pretty much life size; click twice and you’ll see every brush stroke – or be in Kansas!
Thanks for coming by today, I love that you did!
*Commonly attributed to the Chinese, it may in fact be an American invention. I just found this out via Mr Google – I love Mr Google! ‘May you live in interesting times!’ usurps any hopes for peace and quiet and ease in the victim’s daily life. The up-side of this of course is that it is through troubling events that we deepen as human beings through personal growth and through the opportunity to reach out and help each other.